The Prophet Goes to Jail!

This is the headline story from every major news station in my State:

"Warren J*effs found GUILTY as accomplice to rape"

The leader of a polygamous Mormon splinter group was convicted Tuesday of being an accomplice to rape for pressuring a 14-year-old girl and her 19-year-old cousin into a religious and sexual union.
Finally, after years of torturing a community, he's going to jail. 5 years to life. Which means he might get as little as 7 years and as many as twenty.

I've learned much about this man over the last decade and a half. When I was twenty-one, I was studying religion and spent almost a month in Colorado City/Hildale. And over the next many years I went back several times. This place is like nothing I've ever seen. The whole place is a dirt hole filled with 1/2 built houses, broken roads - all under a beautiful backdrop of red rock plateau's. One school. One grocery store. Hundreds of children walk through the streets in packs; families. Girls must wear long dresses, long sleeves and long hair. I brought many dresses and still, I had to layer long(er) sleeves over them.

I stayed in a house with one family - one family with one husband, three sister wives and 33 children. The oldest was my age. 33 children age 21 and younger. They were actually wonderful. I loved every minute I spent with them. The teenagers would sneak "out to the sticks" and share a six pack of beer between twenty of them. They would fall in love without ever speaking to each other. It seemed so simple to me. I made friends there that I still have today. &, in fact, I introduced a friend to one of them and she ended up marrying into polygamy. (the guilt!) But back then, their prophet didn't purposely mislead them, lie to them and hurt them. Back then, they were led my a man named Rulon Je*ffs and everyone adored him.

Don't get me wrong, the lifestyle was still very strange and sometimes painful to watch. Girls would be wakened over night, at sixteen, to marry a man in a strange place. Boys would have to marry girls they didn't know when they were hoping to marry someone else. But they all agreed to it. It was God asking, not man. They signed their homes to the trust. They gave the prophet all of their earned money - in which he turned around and paid them, less tithing. They were led by a man they loved so everyone just followed him. When he died, they were torn about who would lead. It ended up being one of his many sons and it was the beginning of the end for the entire community.

He began tearing families apart. If a man didn't agree with him about something - anything, he would take away his wives and children and place them with another man. Because the homes were all held in trust, they would lose everything. In some cases, men have never found their families. They're shipped to South Dakota or Texas or Colorado. People began standing up for themselves and moving away on their own. And finally, charges were filed and he ran just like the coward he is. His people still took care of him by sending him money when they didn't have enough to keep their homes warm. They were used to being shunned and punished for wearing anything immodest but he was found in a t-shirt and shorts - plenty of skin showing. White, pasty, gross, rapist skin. He hurt so many people and still, he tried to manipulate them. He's disgusting.

So today put an end to the question of whether or not he would lead his community again. The answer is no.

These people are strange. They're odd. They're different, just like many of us. But they believed as they were taught. Their lives are unraveling and it's all many of them have every known. First they were abandoned by the LDS church and now their prophet. I feel sorry for them. I feel strongly that the big church in this state (Morm*ns) should do whatever it takes to educate, shelter and rehabilitate them. It breaks my heart.

I think of the family who took me in and gave me lessons on cooking, sewing, raising children and I have such love in my heart for them. I wonder if they're still a family. Or if they, too, were victims of this awful man.

Their last "unhitched" Saturday night

One party down, just two more to go! J&E are less than a week away from the biggest, most special of all their days thus far!

We celebrated with a bachelorette party that included fabulous games like:

1. Pin the boobs on the babe (Cristy purposely steered me wrong or I WAY would've won!)
2. Bobbing for boobies (I only got three but the third one way a double D! ... 3 and a HALF!)
3. Newlywed game (We came in second. She forgot about that awful orange shirt I would burn Today if I could!)

I'm still bothered that I didn't win a single one but we made a good (2nd place) team.

E was a good guide but she wasn't even close!

I think these girls were a little closer but you can still see the fear in their eyes




But the winner? Yeah, she was just fingertips away!

We all had our turn (well, minus one unamed germ o phobe!) with this one but the winner was able to transfer SIX boobs and won some handy body paint.

There were other gifts that I won't even mention. I will be blushing until next week about a certain can of...something. But they loved every minute. And the cake? oh, she was Lovely!

And the brides to be? Beautiful!

Happily Ever After, I tell ya!

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

I just put Yegs to bed. We had a bit of a tantrum challenge - each of us. He's been really sensitive lately and tonight, I had enough. I went upstairs, ready to challenge his tantrum. But he was literally so sad. No pouting, no tantrum.

I teased and prodded and nothing. I asked if I could guess what was wrong and finally got a sarcastic smile when I asked if it was because I forgot to paint his toenails red. But after about ten minutes, he spilled. He holds feelings so tightly but finally, Finally he let it all out.

Through tears and choppy breaths he explained to me what it's like to have your parents divorce. His parents, Cristy and his other mom, divorced when he was three. He doesn't remember it but he knows it happened, obviously. & now his other mom is going through another break up.

His biggest worry is what's going to happen to her. Who will take care of her? Why did this happen? Where will they go and how long will they stay there? It broke my heart. He's worried that she has to get a job and that she's sad about it. He's scared. And truthfully, as persons of married parents, we don't even understand what it's like. We laid on his bed and he told me just how hard it is to be a child of divorce. He's just days away from being 8. He's so too little to carry something so heavy. I tried to reassure him that he's loved, that it's good to talk about and that he can always share his feelings. We said a prayer and he feel asleep with short, sad breaths.

I'm sitting here thinking about it and thinking about Gracie. I consider myself divorced from her mom, even though we are still happily married according to VT law. :) But she'll never know that. She doesn't know she's a child of divorce. Maybe that's good. I don't know anymore.

But divorce is ugly, always. I know there are times when it can't be avoided and when that's the case, I think it's best. But even explaining that to him didn't ease his sorrow. He asked if me "& mama would ever divorce". I wanted to promise No but I know better than to be so certain. I've made that mistake before. We both have. I did, however, tell him that I learn more every day how important our relationship is to me, to him, to us. And that I feel safe knowing that our family is strong and happy and that, of course, I love them both so fully.

Should you make the promise of always being together - never splitting up or getting divorced? I mean, of course that's the intent but is promising really right?

I'm Stunned.

I refreshed my email today at 2:13PM. There she was. Is. The mother of her, sitting in my inbox. After all this time and all these blogs, she finally comments. She asked that I please remove Gray’s pictures to protect her privacy and then sent me the following info on how she is and what she’s doing. Because you've all been right here with me, I wanted to share it with you.

"Just so you know she’s doing great. She had her first dance recital and of course she ate up every second of it. She started kindergarten and the uniform is the cutest thing I have ever seen, particularly with her in it. She’s taking horseback-riding lessons and much to our surprise, she’s great at it. She loves church more than ever, and has even helped lead kids worship a few times. And of course SeaWorld has officially been done (and re-done and over-done) this summer---Shamu says “HI!”

God Bless you & yours,"


I think I held my breath while reading it. & then I re-read it and imagined Gray through every word. She had her first dance recital! She’s taking horse back riding lessons! My little girl has lead worship! I’m certain she’s the belle of the ball, the star of the show and the strictest of song leaders! I think of her and how happy she is and, while I miss her more than the stars, I’m smiling. I'm missing so much of her and through these few words, I find miracles. Just the miracle of knowing anything.

I will remove her pictures. And know now for certain that she’s reading here. And hope & pray that somehow that gives her a path to me, ...in case you ever, ever have a change of heart.



Ever.

Thanks for saying "gay"

Yesterday, I had the once in a lifetime experience of speaking before all the Walm*art managers in this great state. They called (from headquarters in Arkansas) and said they were holding a training on diversity and they would like the topic to be something like "How lgbt people contribute to corporate America" or something. I happen to do a workplace training that deals with such thing so I agreed to participate. Bad idea number 1.

I showed up early because that's just how I am. I watched the speaker before me and knew it wasn't possible for me to be more nervous than him so I relaxed. I met a few people and told them I was speaking. One lady, an HR MANAGER, asked, "so when we Get a gay employee, how do we deal with that?" I switched up my training a bit to include things like "how to Deal with a gay employee/co-worker". I figured if we got through the first steps then maybe I'd get back to my original topic.

I gave my speech. I through out every scenario I could think of when running into a "gay". I pretended to work at the Walm*art with a closet "gay" and listed some of the things I could do to make him/ her more comfortable. It was pathetic. So then I went on to the regular training and I don't think anyone heard how it could possibly be beneficial to them to hire or work with a "gay". (or any person different from them) I didn't get a single question, not a single head nod. Nothing.

When I finished, they gave me a certificate and a check. Some girl came running up and claimed to know me from high school. Then she said, "so, you kept your maiden name!" What? You aren't BORN with a maiden name. You get a maiden name when you take the name of someone else. I seriously didn't know what "maiden name" meant for about 5 seconds. Weird.

During the closing remarks, the big manager looked at me and said, "& let's all thank Keri for using such sensitive words like gay, lesbian and "t". That must be uncomfortable sometimes." Again, what? "t"? You can't even get that one out! Go ahead and thank me for standing in front of you for an hour with no more than a blink from anyone. Thank me for switching up my presentation to include terminology. But I don't need thanks for saying GAY. It's not a swearword for God's sake.

And in the elevator on the way to my car, a woman looked at me and said, "that must've been hard on you." You have no idea, lady.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is my six month anniversary! Cristy and I have, once again, been together Six Months!

We decided that because we've never really figured out an official Anniversary, we would just celebrating in 6's. This might be our eighth or ninth go around but who's counting? & how fun to be reminded of "us" twice a year!

Plus, we moved into our house on March 20th, this year. Our first house that's just ours. Not hers, not mine. No one we've slept with has ever lived there but US! :) This is significant because we lived back and forth for years between two houses we once owned with other women. ...So it's also happy six months living in our new/old house!

What a day to celebrate!

But she's not here. Instead she left me a bucket of lillies on the kitchen island and a card in my underwear drawer. I know, sounds odd. But she knew I'd find it first thing this morning - unless I oddly decided to go commando today...but I didn't. I found my card and boobed about it all the way to work. I love that girl.

Thanks for sticking it out, baby. I still pinky to be worth it.

She's Leaving Home...

Do any of you tantrum when your partner goes out of town? I mean, there are many things that bring this behavior out in me but I really hate it when she leaves. I hate it enough that I punish her. Not in loud ways but I might build a small wall so when she goes to hug me good-bye, I hug like a straight girl. In the same moment I beg for extra attention & bat my eyes wildly. I pout and maybe I won't answer the phone until the third ring, instead of the second. I'll watch a chick flick and bawl my eyes out missing her but tell her later that I've had a fabulous day and pretend I've hardly thought of her for minutes.

I'm such a baby.

We've spent a lot of time being quiet the last few days. We saw our best girls Friday night and I told and re-told my "energy doctor" story. I remembered more and more as we talked about it. I think the experience was amazing and I look forward to doing my homework and seeing her again. A couple of things she said - that I know I didn't mention before - are that I time travel. Always backward. She said I carry my past with me like a blanket full of rocks. Now that's baggage, right? Also, she said that I don't have any anxiety. A normal person would have a little but I have none. I guess you hold your anxiety in your muscles but mine were free and clear! That's good...I think. Anyway, it was fun comparing stories with J&E and just feeling like I had experienced something cosmic or spiritual or healing. Maybe I can focus on homework instead of tantums these next few days.

We also had a memorable breakfast Sunday morning that will be written in the story of our lives. Can't talk about it much yet but it will certainly be something I'll scream from roof tops in the future, no matter the outcome. Chills. Still. Always.

As hard as most days are, I am still so incredibly blessed and I want to make clear that even on the days I feel most picked on, I know how lucky I am.

But still, she leaves tomorrow. She'll be home on Friday. I'm pathetic.

Chick flick, anyone?