From Start To Finish

I must say - we've had a very full day. It's 9:27pm and I'm using this post to unwind before heading upstairs to watch Oce*ns 13. - except I've never seen eleven or twelve so I'm really just planning to shut my eyes and assume to know that all the handsome men end up alive and well in the end and that they robbed a big bank and they're all living on the coast of somewhere with an equally beautiful woman.

But back to the day...we woke up this morning to this:

Outside our side patio

Outside our back kitchen window

And the front view

It was so beautiful. I think we got at least six inches of snow this morning! I'm not sure how many times Cristy's shoveled but there is still more snow out there. Time for the blower, for sure! We actually made people come over during this snow storm so if any of you read this, know that we appreciate your bravery and collaboration and thank you very kindly for the doughnuts.

I had work related plans to attend a church service this afternoon and I definitely owe Cristy BIG for going with me. I was supposed to be speaking about the gays vs the evangelicals but it was so NOT that. Instead I spoke to a group that included a spritiual healer, a sex addict and a non-gay living gay man. We watched the movie I told you about and then searched "inside ourselves" for the answers it gave us. There were many moments of, "now close your eyes and listen to what your insides are telling you...listen...listen..." I sat there (eyes peeked open) and prayed that Cristy wouldn't laugh out loud. She didn't.

Tonight we went to Fr*sco's. If you live where I live and you haven't been there, do. It's a lovely little Italian pocket and the food was delicious. We celebrated our birthdays and they decorated our dessert plates with Happy Birthday chocolate sauce. I was wishing I would've had a camera so I could post a picture here. See how much I love you all? I even think of you while dining. Anyway, it was wonderful and, again, I am blessed to have those girls surround me. All three of them.

So I'll leave you to remember World AIDS Day today, December 1st. I'm not too late yet. And it's never really too late to remember.

"If we are to stop the AIDS epidemic from expanding, we have to break the cycle of new HIV infections. All of us working together -- government, communities and civil society -- can make the difference." Former South African President Nelson Mandela.

Babies & Birthdays

So...to try another round of IVF, we would 1/2 the meds. That's the (so far) advice of our specialist. By doing so, we run the chance of less eggs/no eggs. We only got 13 the first time with just 4 fertilizing so it makes me worry. Plus, let's be real - it's damn expensive! I almost hate to try again until we have more information. I know there aren't any guarantee's and I'm not looking for that kind of guarantee but I'd like to know whether or not I'll get sick again. If so, we'll have to do another FET and our chances go way down again. Y.U.C.K.

We'll keep talking about it. We'll also keep talking about all the other options. I so appreciate all the advice I get here, believe me. If it weren't for so many of you, Kerry in particular, I wouldn't even consider IVF again. We're kicking around a million ideas but they all include a baby in the house. No matter how - and don't worry, I won't do anything illegal...we will have a solution. I'm certain of it. And I'm going to do as Nerdgirl said and start making some demands of Santa. I hadn't thought of that. :)

Onto happier times...tomorrow is a good day! It's the day that my very dear friend was BORN and can I just tell you how happy it makes me? She is intelligent and funny. She's beautiful and compassionate. She has raised incredible daughters and married an equally wonderful woman this very year. This year, I believe, is her best Ever and even though she wishes her birthday didn't exist, it exists to us and there is more light in our world with every birthday she has.

So...a day early, as not to make a fuss ON her birthday - I wanted to wish E the best day ever! I love you dearly and can't wait to celebrate you this weekend!

Puke, Paint & Peace

Friday night? Not so nice. Poor Yegs. The plan was to pick him up, pick up his friend and host a sleep over. Cristy picked him up from his moms and before they left the house, he puked. Big. Again in the car on the way home and another two or three times until he finally fell asleep. The problem? It's on your "every corner" menu! He ate a double cheeseburger, fish fillet sandwich, large fry and THIRTY-TWO ounce soda after school! Y.U.C.K. So, lucky for us - (the parents that never fill his fist sized stomach with that kind of garbage, let alone that MUCH garbage) we got to clean it all up! Not pretty. This was more food than a very large man would have for lunch. And the answer? "He ordered it." Nice.

Saturday I had early plans to help a friend pick out new colors for her new bachelorette pad. Sort of. Anyway, she's newly single and moving forward! You know those days...when you want to change every little thing that ever proved that someone else lived with you? Due to my later plans cancelling, I ended up staying until about 9pm. But it's lovely. I went back again today to finish up and start on the next room. I must admit that I love people who have white walls. - but let me change them. It made such a difference in her home and I'm just praying that she still loves it tomorrow. Caramel. Yum. If I could have a dream job it would be to spend other people's money - decorating their houses when they're not home. I realize there are already people who have this job but I don't see why it can't be me. It was so fun! & tiring! But I smiled a lot and worked the muscles in my right hand so all is well.

Our weekend is wrapping up nicely this evening. Our best girls just left and we are now refueled for the upcoming week. God bless J & E. I was able to sit for a couple of hours - eating, talking and running my fingers through Cristy's hair. Perrrfect.

And just to remind you all, Thanksgiving is this Thursday! I think I just realized this! Where is November going? So gather all your thoughts and find something to be grateful for - you have just a few days to be nice to whomever sits next to you...hoping they say your name when it's their turn to talk.

Someone To Say Hi To

My sweet friend Jackie is leaving on a jet plane. Well, not really. She's leaving in her car to live a million miles away from here. Well, not really. She'll live many, many miles away and won't be back for five months. She's a military girl but don't "tell" ... get it? :)

We've been friends for 10 years and she's one of the funniest people I've ever known. She's funny in the "blond" way of funny. Now, if you're blond, don't be mad at me. Those jokes were made because of her. This is a girl who wished on a shooting star one night (eyes closed, very dramatic) and it turned out to be sparks from a chimney. This is a girl who (in trying to be very cool at one of our first "bar nights") ordered a glass of milk because she had snuck in a Reeses Cup. And when she met a lipstick girl and wanted to impress her, she went out and bought jogging suits to make her look "butch". Not a chance, Jack. I could go on and on and I'm pretty sure I even listed a bunch of Jackieisms in a book to her once...


So, she definitely entertains me but she also keeps me grounded. She reminds me where I've been and what my insides look like. She holds me to truth that sometimes I wish I could forget and she's the only person in the world that can tell me my history if I ever lose my mind. Plus, hearing Gracie say "Aunt Jackie" is one of my favorite sounds ever.

She'll no longer be across the valley but instead, over the mountains and into the flatlands of Texas. Too far for lunch but not too far for late night phone calls. So, I'll give you your song back until you come home...

From Sarah Bett*ns, From me, to You.


It's been wonderful and crazy knowing you.
And I hope that I can always see the teenage girl in you.
And I know that you'll be fine.
But I'll be there everytime
You need someone to say hi to late at night.

Better Hands

Thanks for the comments on my last post. Seriously, if I met someone who was in need of friends, I'd tell them to start a blog. :)

As I have slowly inhaled my way through the last year, many things have brought me peace. I am truly blessed with a loving family & home, supportive friends (here & in the tangible world), music & lyrics and also a very strong faith in God. Not often do I share this here but the last few days have brought music to my head that I'd like to share with you.

Do any of you ever turn on your radio and hear a song that fits perfectly in the moment? Or better, do you ask for it and happen to get exactly what you need from two or three lines of a song? It's ministry in music and I've come to depend on it a bit.

Lately, I've heard the following song often and maybe that's because it's so beautiful and everyone else wants to hear it too but I also think I hear it to remind me that I'm okay. We're all okay. And we're better off because we're here together, sharing what's right and what's wrong. It has always reminded me of Jesus - and most songs do. But today when I heard it, it reminded me of you.

We all go through so many trials with bumps and bruises that might not ever really heal. And whether we're trying to conceive and it's just one big losing battle, or we're waiting for babies coming from across the ocean, or we've lost pregnancies/babies/children while we're waiting for all of the above, or we're dealing with health problems of someone we love more than all the world...we are held so tightly among each other and stronger for it. So whether you give the credit to Jesus, your lucky star, Buddha or your best girl - it's about being held and being safe and I feel blessed so, thank you.

Here are the lyrics. If you want, listen & read as you listen. It's worth it, I promise.



It's hard to stand on shifting sand.
It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night.
You can't be free, if you don't reach for help.
And you can't love, if you don't love yourself.

But there is hope when my faith runs out.
Cause I'm in better hands now.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
So take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now.

I am strong, all because of you.
I stand in awe of every mountain that you move.
I am changed, yesterday is gone.
I am safe from this moment on.

There's no fear when the night comes round.
I'm in better hands now.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
So take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
It's like the world is silent even though I know it isn't true.
It's like the breath of Jesus that's right here in this room.

So take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now. I'm in better hands now.


Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you.
Jeremiah 1:5

With God in your world, you aren't an accident or an incident; you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art.

SO ready for Bed.

The weekend is winding down and, partly due to the time change, I was ready for bed about 3 hours ago. Seriously, I have the hardest time with "Fall Back". Great that we get an extra hour but does it make everyone else get into their pajamas at 5:45pm? Dark translates to "bedtime". And it will be my bedtime just minutes from now.

The past few days have been full of good times. After work on Friday we went up to the cabin. Our best girls watched Molly Tomato so we could have a mini mountain retreat with the family. We left the very minute we got off work and enjoyed every minute of it. All the kids spent time exploring, climbing, 4-wheeling and staying up way too late. We spent time sitting and stretching and sitting some more. Lovely.

Yegs & my favorte first nephew

Same amazing nephew with his best grandma & My favorite 4-wheeler

Who could shoot this sweet mama?

I'm learning the "deer whisperer" moves of my dad

This dad was brave enough to come up but had his little guy wait behind. See him peeking?

Cristy and my mom, lounging in the sunshine

And this was all that Yegs had left on the way home

We came home Saturday in time to meet some other blog families at a local bounce house. The kids seemed to be having a great time and we had fun meeting people and talking to those of you we've loved getting to know better. I forgot my camera or I'd totally be exploiting all of you. My guess is that someone else took pics so you'll see the action elsewhere.

And finally, later that night, after Yegs went to his grandma's to eat too much junk food and watch grandma approved movies, We Went Out! We went to a trashy bar and watched the amazing Hells Belles. They're an AC/DC all female cover band and even though I'm not a big hard rock fan, they are incredible to watch. And did I mention there was a girl with a guitar? In dreadlocks? & a black bra? Have I told you lately just what that means to me? She was ... well I just can't even explain it. If they come near you, see them. You won't regret it. (& incase you're questioning my hard rock integrity, I only wore my ear plugs for about 3 minutes) Someone vouch for me. My guess is that most of you won't believe me...

Today has been nothing but undoing Halloween, resting and drinking too much coffee. I think I might have a "too much smoke at the bar" hangover. Or maybe it was my pre-bar Brigham Ade, my beer at the bar or my "cheers" with E over a kamakazi. Three drinks and I'm out. And that was over 3 hours. Cheap date? Yes.

Happy Monday ladies. (& gentleman)

Leah

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Leah. She lives in a state that doesn't acknowledge her parental rights nor the rights of her non-biological son. She has spent the last year fighting to protect him and maintain a relationship with him. She just found out they won't hear her case - they won't give her the opportunity to be with him.

My heart is broken for you.

At the same time, I know you're strong and willing to do whatever it takes. Sometimes that means you keep fighting your way up the ladder and sometimes it means you sit still and wait. Whatever it means for you, I know you'll see it through and I know he'll love you more for it.

You are amazing. You are thoughtful and brave. You love him wholly and honestly and he will know of these long days. One day he will know.

In the meantime, please let this email be a reminder to do everything you can - while you can - to protect your kids. Legally, no matter where you live and what your laws are, write it up! Hire a lawyer. Sign your names to something that says your family's intent. Do it now. Don't wait. And don't think you won't need it.


On a lighter note, but still terribly important, if you're still on the hunt for someone to vote for next year, here's a little quiz that might get you started in the right direction.

http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460

The Wedding Day!

Today, our best friends will marry. To call them best friends seems insufficient. They are our family. Part of our home. We feel so blessed to have found them. And they are even more blessed in finding each other.

One can wait a whole lifetime for a moment like this.
The woman who you never hoped to meet

now sits before you
and she talks and looks

exactly like the person you dreamed about.
But strangest of all is that you never realized before

that you had dreamed about her.
Your whole past is like a long sleep
which would have been forgotten

had there been no memory
but remembrance is there in the blood

and the blood is like an ocean
in which everything is washed away
but that which is new

and more substantial even than life: Reality.
-Henry Miller

There isn't much to say other than what has already been said. We love you both with all of our hearts. You have been a blessing to our relationship and we hope to always be the same to you. We wish you endless years of happiness, health, warmth & love. And hope to walk all of our miles just a mile or so away.

Forever and Ever.

Their last "unhitched" Saturday night

One party down, just two more to go! J&E are less than a week away from the biggest, most special of all their days thus far!

We celebrated with a bachelorette party that included fabulous games like:

1. Pin the boobs on the babe (Cristy purposely steered me wrong or I WAY would've won!)
2. Bobbing for boobies (I only got three but the third one way a double D! ... 3 and a HALF!)
3. Newlywed game (We came in second. She forgot about that awful orange shirt I would burn Today if I could!)

I'm still bothered that I didn't win a single one but we made a good (2nd place) team.

E was a good guide but she wasn't even close!

I think these girls were a little closer but you can still see the fear in their eyes




But the winner? Yeah, she was just fingertips away!

We all had our turn (well, minus one unamed germ o phobe!) with this one but the winner was able to transfer SIX boobs and won some handy body paint.

There were other gifts that I won't even mention. I will be blushing until next week about a certain can of...something. But they loved every minute. And the cake? oh, she was Lovely!

And the brides to be? Beautiful!

Happily Ever After, I tell ya!

"Comes the Dawn"

I have always loved this. I don't remember who sent it to me first but with every broken heart, I've received it again and again.

I give it to you today - without saying who you are. But hoping that today is better than yesterday and tomorrow is better than today.

With warmth...

***

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
You learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security
You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
And learn to build all your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn.. .
With every goodbye you learn.

-- Veronica Shoffstall

Let's Take a Vacation

Close your eyes and come with me....Really - close your eyes.

I'm renting a car because I don't want to worry about putting too many miles on mine. Plus no signs of car seats or kids when you rent a car. No cereal on the seat. No spilled milk stain.

The top is down when I pick you up. I hop out because I'm a much better passenger. You're driving. I'm settling in. My feet hang out the window and you make fun of my purple toenail polish. We have plenty of snacks for our ride. Sunflower seeds, licorice, starburst jelly belly's and ice cold ... lemonade. We also have an ipod full of our favorite music. Pink, Indigo Girls, Brandie, Michelle, Garrison. I even brought some older stuff like James Taylor and Little River Band and we only know the chorus'. We're singing at the top of our lungs and you laugh at me every time I get it wrong - which is often.

We're headed toward the ocean up North. It's supposed to be cooler up there and my skin is craving that lotioned feeling without lotion. As we get closer we bring out the blankets. We'll keep the top down because we haven't had this kind of air on our faces in far too long. My feet come back in the car and the heater is on under our legs. It feels so good to be this far away.

We're driving up the mountain with the ocean below us. My hair is a mess but yours looks great. It's cold but beautiful. I smell pine and you smell salt. The house we're renting is just right up the hill. I'm almost sad to get there because the drive has been so nice. "We could keep driving...", I think to myself. But that would spoil the party and we're meeting friends. Lots of them. Some we've never met in person. But after this long, we know so much about each other that's it's going to feel like home - like there's no real distance between our desert and their water.

We pull up to the house. We've only seen it in pictures. It's bigger than you thought. It's kind of a cabin but you call it a cottage. There are rocks building a moat around it. Safe, for sure. There are decks up high with lounge chairs that you sink into. I can't wait to get up there and look down at the ocean. The air is wet and the sun is setting.

I run ahead so I can pick the best bedroom. Again, you laugh at me. I just want to be sure I get a west facing window. You don't care what kind of bedroom you get - just that we made it safely and you can now have a real lemonade. We're the first one's there so we decide to play that game where we guess everyone's bra size as they come. We'll ask them their size later and I'll win. I always win that game.

We'll spend days and nights here. We'll only leave for cell phone service, liquor and maybe a souvenir sweatshirt. & by the time it's time to go, we'll cry because this is the first time & the last time I'll see many of you. But it was worth it, right? We build these kinds of friendships because they hold us safely when walls are thin and tides are high. They hold us safely when words are too heavy and thoughts too shy to share with anyone else.

I don't want to go home yet but you say we have to. There are children and spouse's and mortgages waiting. Dogs to be fed, lawns to be mowed.

And blogs to be written.

Post Big Gay Campout!

We're back. And we're exhausted. That's always telling of a great time, right?

We left Friday for Dinosaur National Park ... or something like that. It's about 3 1/2 hours Southeast of here. We were all excited to get there but we grew bored during the 2nd hour. We started singing and getting crazy and out of nowhere...lights. We got pulled over. I blamed it all on Yegs so we just got a warning. Needless to say, we dropped about 20mph and were fine after that. ...until I tried to get Cristy to sing with me again and we passed our turnoff. Another story.

We went to the Museum - Yeager was in heaven!

We eventually found it. Beautiful. Split Rock Mountain. Supposedly their are plenty O' dinosaurs burried in the rock. Yeager told us all the grody details of it. He Loves dinosaurs! We camped at the bottom of a mountain, along the Green river. We set up our tent in the rain and I was happy Cristy didn't suggest a hotel in that very moment. Instead, she was great about getting it up and we toasted to a job well done. We arrived not knowing about 1/2 the campers but I heard the Grease soundtrack playing and that put me right at ease. How bad could they be if they're listening to Summer Lovin'? Someone said later that they'd do the hand jive. I must have missed that along with the skinny dipping. Do over - please.

The view from our campsite and then along the river

When we walked over to the group of people we didn't know, we were introduced to them by their blogs. It was crazy! I had no idea there were so many of them - and they all know each other! Seriously, in that group there must have been eight different bloggers. And many of them are lurkers here which left me feeling very exposed. There is a lot of information here and I guess I forget that anyone can stop by and read as they wish. I don't mind it at all. It just felt strange to have people know my story without me knowing theirs. I would feel much better if you introduced yourselves - so tell me where to find you and who you belong to. I'll feel far less naked. :) But even with that, they were all lovely and everyone had such great kids. It was so nice. We loved seeing the friends we play with often and also meeting so many others.

Cristy and I are recovering from the river running part of the trip. My shoulders hurt. My hands hurt. My knees are sunburned. ? I'm not sure how that happened but I suppose Yeager not getting sunburned was the goal so I didn't do too bad. The river and the rock were stunning. The rapids were a little less than normal but I think we're already beginning talk of another trip earlier next year. Even Yeager, the most timid child on the planet, was begging for bigger water. But the beauty made up for the lulls by far.

Another boat in our group that turned out to be quite the bullies!

Cristy and me - stuck at the ... head?

Yeager getting crazy in the Ducky

We came home to a very taken care of home and very happy dog - thanks to J & E. Couldn't have been better. Well maybe just a little better. You were missed, baby girl.

Sandy, Scooters, Sushi...

Another mom added to the list of so many of us on Friday. Her name is Jacqui and while I don't know her whole story, I'm glad she's here. - you are among friends.

The weekend was healing. Thanks for sticking it out with me. Every time I logged on to write, I ended up soaking in all of your words instead. It's amazing what a difference it can make for me. I hope you all feel the same.

Friday night was full of rest for us. I had a blueberry cocktail with J that afternoon that kind of set the scene for a relaxing evening. Cristy cooked a wonderful meal and allowed me to make her suffer through two movies. Both with Sandra Bullock and I didn't even do that on purpose. The next morning we woke up early and went to the Farmers Market. We were on our scooters for most of the day - it was lovely.

That night we had sushi with friends and planned to "swing by" the girl bar to say hi to a few friends. We ended up running into more friends and didn't get home until almost 3am! Mind you, we are girls who never "swing by" girl bars. There are only a couple anyway and neither are worth the "swing" but when you mix drinks with old friends and new friends...you just never know what will happen. It was so fun! At one point I asked E what time it was - thinking it was 11 or so - it was almost 1am. & we were just getting started! & to all of you who sang your hearts out...man I wish I had it in me! Thanks for the entertainment! Who knew you all had it in you? Besides Cristy, of course. She's a natural! :)

Last night we had dinner with my attorney (now very close friend) and her family. She reminds me how hard we tried but also about how much we lost. We also found out that there's yet another case looming in the distance and I just cringe when I think about what she's going through and what she has ahead of her.

Life is strange. & so uncertain. & what you know might really not be. I feel like I'm turning a corner and I'm finally starting to feel the anger that I've desperately needed. I've been too afraid to be mad because for so long I had to maintain a relationship with the mother of her. If I got mad at her she'd just pull Gracie farther away. I guess I have the freedom to really hate her if I want to. And that just makes me sad.

Damnit. Maybe I need to spend more time at the bar.

Life in the Fast Lane!

How is it Monday already? I missed my relaxing weekend at home - watering plants, playing fetch with Molly...

Instead, you ask? What in the world have I been doing with myself? Well, let me tell you my friends. Things have been Busy with a capitol Z!

The SIL is still in town and we're loving every minute of her. We spent a while on Saturday trying to convince her to move here. She's hetero and done having babies so there are really no bad points to scare her off. Plus she has enough cash to buy one of those amazing houses where no one I know lives. That part was Really fun!

Saturday night was Gina's fundraiser and it was wonderful! That girl is brave and honest and genuine and her friends were all there just proving how every minute was worth their time! & her daughter? All I could think about was how proud she'll be that her mom faught so hard to get her home. That little girl is depending on her to not give up and she just keeps proving over and over that she's not quitting. Thanks to those of you that showed up for them. I hope we all meet little Maddie very soon.

And, I won a beautiful drawing in the auction! But I need another one to match it... Any ideas, Gina?

Our poor dog has been suffering of late. She has some kind of absess and it has made her feel less than her normal self. She's had a couple of playdates with her best boy, Juneau and even he has struggled to perk her up. Here are some damn cute pictures of them from Friday. They are in love!

I'm loving her more than normal...just replacing her with the baby this isn't yet in my body. We're still kicking around the idea of trying again next month but it's getting less and less appealing. This cycle has been a nightmare for me - phsyically and emotionally. I'm not sure how I still have girl friend. Saint, I tell ya!

Here Come the Brides!

Yesterday, Cristy and I took J&E shopping for their wedding attire. Separately.

I went with E and we spent four hours in a dress store just to have her buy the first dress she tried on. I say, that's magic! That's when you know you got it right! Not that seeing in her in that gown wasn't proof enough. She is beautiful. She's going to be even more beautiful when J sees her.

Cristy's experience wasn't as girlie emotional but she was still so cute telling me little snippets as we checked in every hour or so. We are both so happy to have them in our lives and even happier that they found each other.

***

So, let's talk about gay weddings for a bit - gay weddings in a place where you can't really be a legal bride. It will do nothing to solidify your relationship in the courts or prove something to your neighbor. But is it still worth it? Is it worth it to show your commitment to your friends and family? & then, aren't you really doing it for them? Aren't gay weddings really just about sharing your happiness and commiting yourselves in front of God and everyone? And isn't it even more special that we do it even though we don't really get anything from it like lower taxes or Social Security benefits?

I've typically been against the idea but that's only because I'm bitter. I'm bitter that I traveled across the country to marry my partner in VT (thank you, Gov Dean) and that marriage/union still didn't protect me and my daughter when our relationship dissolved a few years later. I almost hate that I included my entire family and all of our dearest friends in a union that didn't work. & I'm bothered that our marriage's aren't blessed or taken seriously by organizations that typically support marriages in times of celebration and pain. It's unfair.

So, what's the scoop? What do you think? Is it worth having a ceremony? Is it worth having another one if you've already totally messed one up? For our best girls, it is the very best choice. But what about for you? Yea or Nay?

Post House Warming...

Yes! It finally happened! After living here for three months, we finally had our house warming party. It was just perfect! Okay, a bit warm but it's supposed to be, right?

Thanks to J&E, we collected enough pitchers for our fabulous drink list:

The Moroni Mojito
The Joseph Smith Gay Breeze - typically "Bay" Breeze
BrighamAde - Blueberry Vodka and Lemonade
Dirty'Ezra - Dirty Martini
And the Kimball Temple - Shirley Temple's for the tots!

All in honor of the dear prophets birth home - fabulous!

All the drinks were delish but my favorite was the BrighamAde and poor Cristy found herself back at the liquor store for more blueberry flavoring. I may have had more than my share... seriously tasty! Add another talent to her many - she's Great at getting me drunk! :)

It was so nice to have our friends and family in the same place. It doesn't happen nearly enough. We feel so blessed to have the people we do in our lives. Old, young. Old & new. We added a few new friends to the mix and it all worked very well.

The girls helped us clean up and we were all fast asleep by 1:30 AM! Who am I? 1:30? Whew! Thank God there's only one house warming party ever! This girl can't do nights like that more than once a year! While the kids didn't last quite that long, they weren't too far ahead of us. They were lovely, as always.

Here are some bad self portraits and other shots - just for fun.

All the kids at the tree house

Yeager & Julia

Me & Jack

Cristy chatting away with Jackie, Julia & Jenna

Trista, Kristen & Julia (is that an Empty BrighamAde?)

Tana & Yeager

Tori & Erika

Me & Jenna

Me with my parents

Happy Anniversary

I was reminded a few hours ago that on this very day, 10 long years ago, I met a girl who would become my best friend.

It's kind of a funny story so I thought I'd share it. Plus, she reads here and I know she'll appreciate it.

I was at a local gay bar with some friends. Another girl, a sort of friend, came up and told me that she literally met some girl who happened to be driving next to her and happened to be gay and happened to be attracted to her... and they ended up at this bar together. The "sort of" friend was very unique. A bit crazy - the crazy girl at the bar. You all have one, right? Well my reaction was, "what kind of girl do you pick up on the street?" - imaging a trucker or hooker or something not good. But she took me over to meet her and she was beautiful and naive and sweet and so fun!

She and "crazy girl" only lasted the week (this is, of course, after they bought rings together :) but we've been joined at the hip ever since.

Lately, as with most friendships, we've had a rough patch (her words) but I wanted to thank her here for the past decade. Thick and thin was the promise and there have been many, many extra thick parts the last few years. I want to thank her for the reminder of our anniversary and tell her that I love her no matter what, no matter why and no matter Who.

And while I'm thanking...thank you crazy M'angela - whichever planet you're on now - for introducing me to Jack.

50 years 'til rocking chairs.
Cheers.

She's back...

Wow. What an experience! I have been sitting here thinking (for four days) just how incredible the process through IVF has been. And then FET on top of that and just the fact that there's any percentage that it might work - I'm just stunned.

I have to say that the procedure of putting the embies in was nothing compared to getting them in the first place. Unfortunately we used what we had so if by chance we need to try again - it's from the beginning. Cute story tho: when signing permission to use my eggs, the hospital also made Cristy sign away rights to use the embryos. I thought it was very considerate. I love that her name is on that document.

The four days have been nothing to talk about. I laid down for way too long and by the time Saturday evening came, I was going out of my mind. Lucky for me, my best girls came over and catered to my every need. Cristy went to a wedding (btw, beeeutiful!) so we had some good girl talk and then ate hateful food and played games when she got home. She took very good care of me but I don't do very well being down when I'm feeling fine. I'm sure I gave her some good heaven points just for sticking it out.

Now we're in the TWW. We have a beta test on June 8th ish so I'll be sure to keep you updated. The only thing I'm feeling is pain from giant ovaries but that's nothing new for me. We'll see how the imaginative symptoms starts creeping in over the next week.

What a perfect weekend here in Salt Lake City! Seriously!
Big Love!

Happily Ever After

Tomorrow, May 26th, our dear friends will be married. They will have a beautiful wedding on a beautiful hill and they'll show God & their world the commitment they've made.

Because I'll be on bed rest I won't be there - so I wanted to use this space to tell them, and all of you, how happy I am that they found each other. In a world of so many people, it is miracle making to find that person that matches you more than any other. & in that same world with so much chaos and unrest, it's even more of a miracle to hold on to each other with promises of a lifetime. But they did it. I believe it with all of my heart - they are split aparts!

Missy & Lauren,

I wish you happiness and peace. Love and laughter. I wish you long walks and longer kisses. Big dreams and little paw prints. I wish you green pastures and baked cakes. I wish you many years of champagne toasts or is it Vodka and lemonade? even Vodka and Blueberry lemonade.

I love you both - big!

Keri

Post Weekend.

I'm on the mend. Life is too short to hold onto what hurts you. So many things don't give you that choice but, for me...today, I choose to let this "ex"perience go. :)

Have I told you all how wonderful you are? I read your comments/emails and hear your voice mails and I'm just reminded how lucky I am to have found you. Whether we met through NCLR, blogland or if I've known you forever - I am lucky and I feel it today.

Our weekend came and went quickly, as always. Yeager and I went to see Shr*k 3 Friday afternoon. Cute. Then my sweet girl and sweet brother spent all day Saturday moving her old house into our new one. What a mess. Didn't we already unpack? Think again! Another twenty boxes of childhood memories. Good God! I've never met a girl who has a huge box of old trophy's next to a collection of crystal bells (from mom). That's a soft butch for you!

Cristy had a softball game on Sunday and I was a really nice break away from "things to do". She plays on a gay league and it's so fun to watch! Aside from how cute she is in those shorts, she's also really good! & I get to sit in the stands and talk to my friends and family and cheer for her! Is there anything better?

Tomorrow is my ultrasound. We find out how well I've prepared my womb for two little embryos. Let me tell you, I've been trying with all my might! I am full to the top with meds and needles and hormones. I have more belly fat that I ever imagined possible! (i know, gross!) I keep telling Cristy I have a fat uterus - only to be reminded that it's "thick", not fat. (thank you, honey) Really though, I Am Ready!

Wish me luck!