Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Hi, my name is Keri...

...and my tour ends here.

If any of you have any idea of what that means, you might be a tinsy more pathetic than I am. And now, of course, you won't admit it because... hell - I wouldn't either if I were you. But we're all friends here, right? You won't judge me like you did when I admitted to watching Tori & D*an - Inn L*ove. Right? Oh God, here it goes.

So a while ago I was moseying around the cable channels and I came across this train wreck. I should preface by saying that I am an OUT fan of reality television. A "fan" in a "thank God that's not me" kind of way. I watch the Bachelor. I can't help it. I love fairy tales. I've watched Survivor once or twice but it's just too mean. I've watched Amazing Race but that doesn't really count because it's...Amazing! Everyone should watch that show!

Anyway, so I'm moseying around and I see this show full of really skanky, half dressed women and I stop. (mostly because of the half dressed part) Hey, I was curious! And then it went like this:

Old Rocker Guy: (in his anti-sexiest voice) Chastity, will you stay in this house and continue to Rock My World?

Chastity: (or some other slutty name) I will Bret, I will! (then he places a back stage pass around her neck- double gag!)

Old Rocker Guy: And Destiny, will you come down here please? (she walks to him with boobs that should be held in a much more supportive bra) Destiny, I think you're hot. So hot. But I'm sorry, the tour ends here. (and she exits as if she were just dumped by Amy Ray)

It's awful. It's delicious! It's embarrassing but again, I know you won't judge me this time. I'm addicted. So addicted, in fact, that we're now down to the last two girls. I don't have a favorite because - well, they're both just gross. But I HAVE to keep watching! How can I not follow through? How can I not see who my Bret chooses to be his everlasting love?

In case you don't know who "Bret" is, he's the main guy from a band called Pois*n. I wouldn't have thought I knew their songs but I do. All three of them! & he's kind of this soft, sensitive guy who with softer skin, could make a pretty girl. And he plays a guitar so that puts him 1/2 way there for me - or maybe 1/8. hmm. I need to rethink this.

Do I hear any other fans out there?
If you come clean I promise to tell you the rest of this story...