But I'm taking you with me!
This "blogger" thing has been wonderful but I think I'm ready for something a little more functional.
Come visit me at http://piecesofgray.wordpress.com and be sure to tag it because I'll be shutting this one down very soon.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
But I'm taking you with me!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
...and my tour ends here.
If any of you have any idea of what that means, you might be a tinsy more pathetic than I am. And now, of course, you won't admit it because... hell - I wouldn't either if I were you. But we're all friends here, right? You won't judge me like you did when I admitted to watching Tori & D*an - Inn L*ove. Right? Oh God, here it goes.
So a while ago I was moseying around the cable channels and I came across this train wreck. I should preface by saying that I am an OUT fan of reality television. A "fan" in a "thank God that's not me" kind of way. I watch the Bachelor. I can't help it. I love fairy tales. I've watched Survivor once or twice but it's just too mean. I've watched Amazing Race but that doesn't really count because it's...Amazing! Everyone should watch that show!
Anyway, so I'm moseying around and I see this show full of really skanky, half dressed women and I stop. (mostly because of the half dressed part) Hey, I was curious! And then it went like this:
Old Rocker Guy: (in his anti-sexiest voice) Chastity, will you stay in this house and continue to Rock My World?
Chastity: (or some other slutty name) I will Bret, I will! (then he places a back stage pass around her neck- double gag!)
Old Rocker Guy: And Destiny, will you come down here please? (she walks to him with boobs that should be held in a much more supportive bra) Destiny, I think you're hot. So hot. But I'm sorry, the tour ends here. (and she exits as if she were just dumped by Amy Ray)
It's awful. It's delicious! It's embarrassing but again, I know you won't judge me this time. I'm addicted. So addicted, in fact, that we're now down to the last two girls. I don't have a favorite because - well, they're both just gross. But I HAVE to keep watching! How can I not follow through? How can I not see who my Bret chooses to be his everlasting love?
In case you don't know who "Bret" is, he's the main guy from a band called Pois*n. I wouldn't have thought I knew their songs but I do. All three of them! & he's kind of this soft, sensitive guy who with softer skin, could make a pretty girl. And he plays a guitar so that puts him 1/2 way there for me - or maybe 1/8. hmm. I need to rethink this.
Do I hear any other fans out there?
If you come clean I promise to tell you the rest of this story...
Sunday, April 6, 2008
We're wrapping up a great weekend, once again. I'm looking forward to heading upstairs and sleeping soundly. Our new blinds let my beauty sleep soak in until 9:14 this morning. I think that's about to become a habit.
But my dreams...
4 of the last 5 nights have been full of wonderful dreams. I've dreamed of holding Gracie while she slept, hugging her so tightly with her hair blowing against my cheek and then swimming with her and watching her wave her magic wands through water. The water one has happened almost every night. But just feeling her in my arms and seeing her face so closely has made me remember how wonderful it was. And how badly I miss her.
She turned 6 1/2 on Friday. For some reason, I always remember that. I'm guessing the mother of her did as well. I know she's loved. I know she's cared for. But you know how you just feel like no one can do it like you do? Not that I was always perfect. But I know I love her in a way that no one else does/can. It's just something special that I hope to always hold.
We have this cool digital frame thing that, like me, you all got for Christmas. It goes through about 200 pictures and I watch it like a movie. Many, if not most, are pictures of Gray. I just sit and stare at it and I realized that all the years I watch it, she won't grow. She won't age. God knows I will. I'll be gray and wrinkled and she'll stay this beautiful little girl. I have her Easter picture out - still. It's the last professional photo I had taken of her. Again, it will be there every year. Maybe year around. It'll be Easter and Christmas at our house forever. What do people think? I guess I care or I wouldn't ask. After my brother died, no one took his pictures down. He has stayed 13 for twenty years. Is it the same? Or am I crazy and just trying to hold on - or not forget?
I'm tired. My whole house is already asleep. But before I go, we did the "random insem" today. I hate to make it sound so unimportant but it's just a way of making me feel like we're not wasting time. We can't see our new doctor for our next round of IVF until later this month. Why do nothing, right? & maybe, just maybe...one of those little guys swam his hardest and decided to hang around. We'll see. Either way, thanks for hanging around to find out.
Friday, April 4, 2008
We have some great plans over the next couple of days. I think we're even getting our bikes and scoots ready for movement! Maybe a little tennis in the morning to amp us up for some competitive games in the evening! Oh yes J, I'm prepared to kick your butt! :)
So I watch the Opr*h show yesterday. Anyone else? I'm not a big fan of O's. I know, not a very popular thing to say but it's true. I know she does amazing things. She changes lives. She gives stuff away. But does she have to tell us every time she does something good? I mean, we know how great she is but, for me, it just takes it away when she reminds me over and over again. Anyway, back to the pregnant man...
So, I watched the show and all I could think of is "why is this so neat?" I mean, it's not miraculous or anything. He still had everything he needs to conceive a child. There's no miracle. He's been off testosterone for 2 years. That facial hair? It's the same facial hair as two years ago. He no longer has to trim or shave or shape it. Anyway, I felt like it was just a great way to sell magazines and gain viewers. Unless, UNLESS you were an average joe/jane. I am not. I'm not above average but I know a thing or two about this blended community we call LGBT. And as I told one of you yesterday, I still have much to learn... But if you are an average joe/jane, you may have never seen such a great example of why none of this should matter. Here's this guy and his wife, dragging their two grown children to the O show. They bring in their doctor, a few neighbors just for added validation. They talk about their love for each other and what defines them as a family. - And that having another child/sibling is just a bonus to the love/family they have. None of them spoke of anything unique - just that they had the option and they went with it. It was beautiful. & hopefully they caught the eye of some below average people and maybe changed some minds/hearts. God knows that's never a bad thing.
Do you want to know my favorite thing about this weekend? Other than having Yegs home, having game night and doing a random insem... I get to Sleep In!!
My amazing, talented, terribly beautiful partner hung blinds in our bedroom yesterday. Before yesterday we had these flimsy gold draperies that, I swear, inhaled the nightime street lights. Plus, they're gold so the morning sunshine was like, "wha-hoo! I can shine right onto Keri's face at 6am every weekend!" Plus, and again,...they're gold. Yuck. But now, after one year and fifteen days, I have IKEA navy blinds and pretty white curtains to shut out the light and allow me to get my beauty sleep. I AM THANKFUL!
Good weekend rest to all of you! xo.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
So I heard about this story on the news a few days ago and thought it was one of those "myth buster" shows. Then I saw in Pe*ple Magazine and realized it must be true. It is true.... what?
It turns out it's no myth at all and it's certainly not some kind of freak show either. It's a story of a transman who was smart enough to keep the girl parts that allow some of us to create a child. I'm not saying that trans men who choose to opt out of all things female are stupid, I'm sure they're not. But for this guy & his wife - what a bonus!
I have to admit, I couldn't stop looking at the photo of him with that beautiful belly full of baby. Like me, you must be curious. & imagine... being a woman, married to a man and having a conversation that went something like this:
Wife: I'm just so tired of this ttc thing. I've tried and tried and failed and failed. I think we need to start looking into other options.
Hubby: Honey...I'm so sorry. I wish it wasn't so hard. Hey, I just thought of something! Why would we consider further options when we have another perfectly healthy womb right here? (points to self)
Many of you have had this same conversation (well, the YOU that are lesbians) but I bet you never thought that the hetero couple down the street could possibly do the same thing. Yeah, me neither. I think it's amazing.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I woke up with a migraine this morning. I should have stayed in bed a while but I thought I'd be a trooper and annoy my co-workers with my pain for a few hours in stead. I like to think I don't get them very often but it seems like it's happening more than usual.
I got a terrible one in DC. I'm not sure if I included it in my details for all of you but it was bad news. I blamed it on flying because I blame everything bad on flying. But it went something like this: I started the day ready to float around Capitol Hill but not like a bird - more like a girl with a jet pack. We had so many appointments lined up and I was really excited for it. But then it struck - like lightening to my left temple! (did I mention I'm a total drama queen?) I made it through all the meetings but I couldn't speak during the 2nd to the last one and I could see by the time we left the last Senators office. I was OUT. -1,2,3,4,5....KO!
Today was nothing like that. I was miserable for about three hours then broke down and took some meds. My medication makes me feel bad in a whole other way - It hurts to breath through my nose (& who doesn't breath thru their nose?) and it impairs my speech - like I'm drunk. But after being laughed at for a while, I recover nicely...for a drunk. :)
I'm wondering though, have any of you had more serious migraines with fertility meds? Although that even seems crazy because right at this moment, I'm not medicated! It just seems like, since last June (our first transfer), I have had increased headaches. Just wondering.
Anyway, I hope everyone is well. I wanted to leave you with a beautiful picture of Humphrey's in San Diego and remind you all that I'll be there in just 80 days - me, C & jbeeky - with drinks in hand, of course. Oh, & did I tell you we're on row 2? That's right folks, just inches away from my favorite girl with a guitar/banjo/large stick or whatever she's holding.
ARay, just 80 days 'til we meet again...
Sunday, March 30, 2008
We're wrapping up a wonderful weekend. I think we'll stay up late just to drag it out a little.
First of all, we played Wii. Or maybe we played with a Wii. Either way, SO fun! I know some of you are months ahead of us. We had no idea what we were missing. We had dinner with friends Friday night and they treated us by kicking our butts in tennis and boxing. Cristy almost made them wish they didn't invite us because she almost punched a hole in their ceiling with her forehand - or something like that... It's HARD! And boxing? C'mon! I'm a lover, not a fighter! :)
I've talked back and forth with my long lost cousin a few times this weekend. It's feeling a bit less scary and it's actually been amazing to see/hear what her life has been like. She's married. She has no children. When I asked she actually said that she couldn't have children - "what would she say" to Mercy? I guess that makes sense. She's in Florida. She's been there off and on since she left. She's been clean for eleven years. She's been clean since the year after she left. That shocked me a little, I think. But I suppose there are bigger things than drugs when you deal with the trauma she's lived with. We talked in length about her regrets and I just tried to remind her that I love her and that I'll be here as long as she'll talk. It feels good.
We slept until 9am today. SO nice. Then we watched a movie in bed. I love Sundays. Unfortunately, I eventually had this (non)wonderful idea. I thought, "we should totally spend our whole Sunday doing all the things around the house/yard that we've put off since moving in!" dumb. As I sit here with a sore neck from resting my dining room light on it for 2 hours, I guess I'm glad it's over. But seriously, not my first idea of a Sunday with my girl. We bought a medallion about a year ago. It's really beautiful and it kind of matches the one that was already in the Parlor.
This is the before:
Anyway, after many strained muscles and much less patience than when we started, it's beautiful!
And after that? We finished our day with some terribly tasty sushi with our best girls! De'lightful! De'licious! De'Lovely!