Perfect Weekend.

How nice it is to be home for hours and hours and leave only for terribly important things like a lovely high school play, dinner with new friends and lots of hot coffee!

Today was dedicated to Christmas!! & decorations! I can never have too many. So now you're saying to yourself, "there's no way she actually put up decorations..." Well friends, I didn't just do that - I put up my TREE! I think I had a tree up last year on November 1st. I waited 10 days later this year so if you're wanting to tease me, keep that in mind.

I know, I know. Everyone is bothered because Christmas comes "earlier and earlier" every year. But it couldn't come early enough for me. I love every minute of it. I don't care if I hear Jingle Bells in October. Sometimes I turn it on in August.

In fact, I sang carols as I decorated today. I tried to put on a fancy show for Cristy (leg kicks, jazz hands, etc.) during one of my favorites but then I remembered doing the same thing last year with Gracie and my smile turned to tears in an instant. It's funny how it's always right at the back of my throat. One wrong turn and it's hours to recovery. But I managed. It passed and I hung her stocking where it will hang ever year from now on. It's perfect.


So here's a picture of our masterpiece. Our first tree in our new house. It's beautiful!


And very soon, I'll blog about something like this:

"Twas six weeks before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring EXCEPT for a MOUSE!"

Someone To Say Hi To

My sweet friend Jackie is leaving on a jet plane. Well, not really. She's leaving in her car to live a million miles away from here. Well, not really. She'll live many, many miles away and won't be back for five months. She's a military girl but don't "tell" ... get it? :)

We've been friends for 10 years and she's one of the funniest people I've ever known. She's funny in the "blond" way of funny. Now, if you're blond, don't be mad at me. Those jokes were made because of her. This is a girl who wished on a shooting star one night (eyes closed, very dramatic) and it turned out to be sparks from a chimney. This is a girl who (in trying to be very cool at one of our first "bar nights") ordered a glass of milk because she had snuck in a Reeses Cup. And when she met a lipstick girl and wanted to impress her, she went out and bought jogging suits to make her look "butch". Not a chance, Jack. I could go on and on and I'm pretty sure I even listed a bunch of Jackieisms in a book to her once...


So, she definitely entertains me but she also keeps me grounded. She reminds me where I've been and what my insides look like. She holds me to truth that sometimes I wish I could forget and she's the only person in the world that can tell me my history if I ever lose my mind. Plus, hearing Gracie say "Aunt Jackie" is one of my favorite sounds ever.

She'll no longer be across the valley but instead, over the mountains and into the flatlands of Texas. Too far for lunch but not too far for late night phone calls. So, I'll give you your song back until you come home...

From Sarah Bett*ns, From me, to You.


It's been wonderful and crazy knowing you.
And I hope that I can always see the teenage girl in you.
And I know that you'll be fine.
But I'll be there everytime
You need someone to say hi to late at night.

Better Hands

Thanks for the comments on my last post. Seriously, if I met someone who was in need of friends, I'd tell them to start a blog. :)

As I have slowly inhaled my way through the last year, many things have brought me peace. I am truly blessed with a loving family & home, supportive friends (here & in the tangible world), music & lyrics and also a very strong faith in God. Not often do I share this here but the last few days have brought music to my head that I'd like to share with you.

Do any of you ever turn on your radio and hear a song that fits perfectly in the moment? Or better, do you ask for it and happen to get exactly what you need from two or three lines of a song? It's ministry in music and I've come to depend on it a bit.

Lately, I've heard the following song often and maybe that's because it's so beautiful and everyone else wants to hear it too but I also think I hear it to remind me that I'm okay. We're all okay. And we're better off because we're here together, sharing what's right and what's wrong. It has always reminded me of Jesus - and most songs do. But today when I heard it, it reminded me of you.

We all go through so many trials with bumps and bruises that might not ever really heal. And whether we're trying to conceive and it's just one big losing battle, or we're waiting for babies coming from across the ocean, or we've lost pregnancies/babies/children while we're waiting for all of the above, or we're dealing with health problems of someone we love more than all the world...we are held so tightly among each other and stronger for it. So whether you give the credit to Jesus, your lucky star, Buddha or your best girl - it's about being held and being safe and I feel blessed so, thank you.

Here are the lyrics. If you want, listen & read as you listen. It's worth it, I promise.



It's hard to stand on shifting sand.
It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night.
You can't be free, if you don't reach for help.
And you can't love, if you don't love yourself.

But there is hope when my faith runs out.
Cause I'm in better hands now.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
So take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now.

I am strong, all because of you.
I stand in awe of every mountain that you move.
I am changed, yesterday is gone.
I am safe from this moment on.

There's no fear when the night comes round.
I'm in better hands now.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
So take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
It's like the world is silent even though I know it isn't true.
It's like the breath of Jesus that's right here in this room.

So take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now. I'm in better hands now.


Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you.
Jeremiah 1:5

With God in your world, you aren't an accident or an incident; you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art.

Celebrate Good Times!

It's Wednesday night and I'm about ready for bed. This blog has been terribly boring of late because I have simply been consumed with elections. Well, it's over. I'm happy to say that we came out very well. We have an amazing new Mayor and two amazing new councilmen. And almost as big as that, school vouchers Failed! :) Yesterday was a good day. Mostly.

Yesterday there was an op-ed written to my city's newspaper. It was written by a man from Arizona whom I've never heard of. He's aligned with the organization that represented the mother of her so you can guess that he didn't speak very highly of me. He, of course, said that it's not possible for me to be a parent to Gracie - we're not "related". And that if anyone thought I was, they must also think that it's fine if a "live-in boyfriend of seven months or so" claims right to someone else's child. I could go on and on about why this is so absurd. I could scream the facts at him. I could tell him that I picked our donor to fit MY characteristics. I could tell him that I went to every prenatal visit. I never missed a single doctors appointment. I sang to her, bathed her, fed her and rocked her and now she's not seven months old - she's SIX. Six. But I don't need to tell him any of this. It won't make a difference. He doesn't see me. I have hate inside me for this man that I pray will go away. But still, nothing hurts me more than this part:

"The issue was not denial of visitation to an 'aggrieved parent,' but instead was sleight of hand to advance an agenda that seeks to redefine the family until it has been reduced to meaninglessness. "

I am sick and tired of bad people saying this is all just part of a grand agenda. I'm sick of them acting like my entire goal was just to dissolve the "natural family" or ruin marriages for all my hetero friends. I'm sick of it because it distracts from what this did to my daughter. It leaves her name/her person out of it and that's when I can't just sit by and listen. Instead, I'll respond. I'll call him a liar (without using those words) and I'll tell you here that we need to stand up and say they're wrong. We need to let them know that we fight for our babies because we love them and we're obligated to do so because we made promises before they were born.

There were over fifty comments after what he said. Most of them were people who thought just like him. Most of them could not understand why I would try so hard to take a baby "away from her mother". But I never did that. I would never do that to my daughter or anyone else's daughter.

That's what THEY did. They took my daughter's mother away.

Don't pretend to know me and my agenda. She has always been the only reason. Always.

Get OUT and Vote!

Come one - Come all!
It's your obligation!

I'll be out tomorrow - campaigning my little heart out. My hope is that those of you who read here will feel terribly pressured by this reminder. I like to think most of you will vote no matter what you read here but just in case, here is my plea.

Please, oh please - get out & vote today.

Walter H Judd said -

"People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote - a very different thing."

If you think you won't make a difference, you will. I promise.

SO ready for Bed.

The weekend is winding down and, partly due to the time change, I was ready for bed about 3 hours ago. Seriously, I have the hardest time with "Fall Back". Great that we get an extra hour but does it make everyone else get into their pajamas at 5:45pm? Dark translates to "bedtime". And it will be my bedtime just minutes from now.

The past few days have been full of good times. After work on Friday we went up to the cabin. Our best girls watched Molly Tomato so we could have a mini mountain retreat with the family. We left the very minute we got off work and enjoyed every minute of it. All the kids spent time exploring, climbing, 4-wheeling and staying up way too late. We spent time sitting and stretching and sitting some more. Lovely.

Yegs & my favorte first nephew

Same amazing nephew with his best grandma & My favorite 4-wheeler

Who could shoot this sweet mama?

I'm learning the "deer whisperer" moves of my dad

This dad was brave enough to come up but had his little guy wait behind. See him peeking?

Cristy and my mom, lounging in the sunshine

And this was all that Yegs had left on the way home

We came home Saturday in time to meet some other blog families at a local bounce house. The kids seemed to be having a great time and we had fun meeting people and talking to those of you we've loved getting to know better. I forgot my camera or I'd totally be exploiting all of you. My guess is that someone else took pics so you'll see the action elsewhere.

And finally, later that night, after Yegs went to his grandma's to eat too much junk food and watch grandma approved movies, We Went Out! We went to a trashy bar and watched the amazing Hells Belles. They're an AC/DC all female cover band and even though I'm not a big hard rock fan, they are incredible to watch. And did I mention there was a girl with a guitar? In dreadlocks? & a black bra? Have I told you lately just what that means to me? She was ... well I just can't even explain it. If they come near you, see them. You won't regret it. (& incase you're questioning my hard rock integrity, I only wore my ear plugs for about 3 minutes) Someone vouch for me. My guess is that most of you won't believe me...

Today has been nothing but undoing Halloween, resting and drinking too much coffee. I think I might have a "too much smoke at the bar" hangover. Or maybe it was my pre-bar Brigham Ade, my beer at the bar or my "cheers" with E over a kamakazi. Three drinks and I'm out. And that was over 3 hours. Cheap date? Yes.

Happy Monday ladies. (& gentleman)

Tagged...and I got right to it!

NerdGirl tagged me for a meme.

For this meme I must post Six Random Facts/Habits About Myself that I Haven’t Already Posted. This is hard. What don't you know?

1 - I suppose I can admit here (not at home) that I'm a control freak. Cristy assumes that it's just about the remote control but that's just how I diffuse it. I have honestly had no control over my life these last few years and I'm certain she'll feel the effects of that until the day I die. Or she dies. You get it. Don't tell her.

2 - I eat cereal. A lot. Without milk. I hate cow milk. I put my cereal in a bowl like a normal human but I don't add cow milk or any milk. Cow milk is from cows and that's just gross.

3 - Speaking of odd eating habits, I love sunflower seeds. However, I've never figured out how to eat them without using my fingers. I don't understand how you can divide the shell and only eat the part that doesn't leave slivers in your tongue. What are you - magic?

4 - I've never waxed my eyebrows. & I don't pluck. I tried plucking once and I thought I might die. So I recently decided to get my upper lip waxed because I'm certain I saw some kind of shadow. I . thought . I . might . die. Seriously, I've never felt more pain. If I can save one of you, it will have been worth bringing this up. Don't wax your lip. Wax all your under parts, wax your brows but God save you, don't wax your lip.

5 - I sniffed a whole peanut up my nose. Don't ask.

6 - I used to fall asleep and try to dream that Michael Landon was my father. This doesn't say much for my pa. I mean, my dad. But it was more about living the life of Laura Ingalls - Prairie and all.

So there you have it. Did you really know any of this about me? I've stumped you, I can tell.
So who's next? I get to pick THREE of you!

KJ - because she hasn't nearly exposed herself enough
MM - because she's the funniest girl I know (no pressure)
& KLG because those babies aren't keeping her very busy these days :)

Big love to you all!