What would Jesus do?

It's been a long week. In a good way, I suppose. Just long. And when I read my last post I thought, "good God, that was only a week ago!"

I must begin my saying that my trip to visit my daughter was incredible. Seeing her eyes light up, feeling her in my arms, hearing her voice say my name - I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift. We played. We opened presents. We cuddled. We cried. We celebrated at Sea World until we were soaked to the bone! She is truly magical to me.

On the plane home, I was not alone in missing my child. The man next to me had just delivered his daughter to his ex-wife and wouldn't be seeing her Christmas morning. We talked for a couple of hours and I learned that it's amazing how much peace a child can bring between two people.

My ex-wife decided to spend the weekend with my daughter and me. Although it was a bad idea, my daughter was beaming playing back and forth with us. & watching her, put us in a place of love. There were times where we hugged and even spoke of memories of our lives together. & remembering her as a baby reminded us of where we came from - that even with all the mess we're in, we began in love. Our daughter can bring peace between us when nothing else can.

I realize half of the families in this country deal with divorce but I would bet that only a few of those are as nasty as mine. Mine has been a battle going on over three years with no end in sight. My fight? It's to keep my daughter. Simple as that! I don't want 1/2 the house or 1/2 the cars or 1/2 the pictures...I simply would like to be able to continue raising the child I 1/2 brought into this world. Bad people would argue that nothing I did created my daughter. A man on a radio show once asked me, "why don't you just have your own children?" I assure you, she would not be here if it weren't for the decision to make her. She was conceived with two parents and that's all she'll ever have. I don't discount the donor. I am grateful that a wonderful man, one day, donated to a sperm bank. That was his gift to us. But I, along with another very giving person, made the choice to create a child. And I have given my heart to her for the rest of her life. That should be reason enough. Families, like mine, should not have to worry about such things. And ex's, like mine, should not be allowed to create such chaos - all in the name of God.

I realize I'm going off a bit but, again, last week I got a call from a friend in DC asking if I'd be willing to talk to another non-bio mom, like me. I always say yes and sometimes I'm probably not in a good space emotionally but as I read this woman's plea for support, it broke my heart. It's Christmas. And, while we should be celebrating Jesus, someone is taking away a child from his mother and using the name of God to do it. It's disgusting. I'll never understand.

Anyway, I got back home Christmas Eve and have been missing her ever since. I wonder if she got that dollie she was hoping for. I wonder if she sang at church and what she said at her breakfast prayer. I wonder how many times she's danced with her kitties and twirled in her new dress.

Merry Christmas angel.
And Happy Birthday Jesus.