Blog'iversary?

Someone sent me an email the other day to let me know it was my 1 year blog anniversary. Wow. 1 year in this very place. I started looking back...

Before I started this blog I had another one. But I never shared it with a single soul - even still. I kept track of things there - mostly feelings. The thought of someone seeing it scared me to death. I imagined showing up in court and having every word up on the big screen. I think starting this blog was me creeping out of the "custody battle closet" a bit. I think I started feeling safe - knowing that court couldn't really hurt me like it could before. After all, at that point the mother of her was held in contempt, I had a very routine visitation schedule and I had an amazing child custody evaluation on the side of me & my daughter. I was in the clear. ...Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda. Damn.

I remember the morning that I decided to show Cristy my blog. I had been writing for a while but just felt so vulnerable & never dared to tell her about it. I left it up on the computer and let her find it. She cried. Sobbed. Some of my words she had never heard before. Because isn't is so easy to write your feelings instead of say them out loud sometimes?

At that time I was only reading two other blogs and I would never comment because that would mean someone might find me. Now I absolutely love having you all here and I love keeping up with you too. I am happy - big happy tears happy - that I found this place.

One year ago today, I wrote this. I think I loved her. I love her still. I'm still this bad when she leaves. I hope to look back 10 years from now and feel the same way.