Monday, January 8, 2007

A Bit Ahead on the "Estrogen" Side of Things

Wow. What a day.

I woke up early today, feeling like my ovaries are the size of tennis balls....turns out, they are. I went in for an ultrasound and blood draw and found out that I'm ready to go and actually a bit ahead on the "estrogen" side of things. My level is at 8000. I think that's around 4000 too high. It heightens my level of getting OHSS - Ovarian Hyper Stim Syndrome - which basically means explosion of ovaries. That doesn't sound pretty, does it?

I had a feelings things might not be going so well. All weekend I felt heavy and tired and even feel like I'm breathing harder. My doctor had said before that I would probably be ready for retrieval by Friday. Now it's bumped up to Wednesday. That might not sound like a big deal but I think it is. I think our chances for having a successful first try with in-vitro are very slim.

I hate feeling negative. My doctor is amazing. I've done everything right. My partner has learned more than I ever thought possible. We're all on the right track; the same track. It's my body that's crazy. & if I didn't want to carry a baby so badly, I wouldn't be holding my breath like I am. I just do. I just really want that whole experience. I want a positive pregnancy test. I want to hold it in me like a secret. I want to wear a beautiful maternity sundress this summer. I want to keep my baby safe and warm and know that no one could do that like I could. I want to experience pregnancy with my partner. I want her to watch me grow and track every little thing. I know how much she wants that.

I'll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed. I pray that retrieval will go smoothly and that we'll be able to do a fresh transfer. If not, my second prayer is that we can do a thawed/frozen transfer in just a couple of months &, of course, ultimately get pregnant.