Monday, January 22, 2007

We're house shopping...

I'm house shopping. Ya know, along with getting a new job, trying to get pregnant and going through nightmare after nightmare with my ex - I thought I'd use my last ounce of energy to find a new house to begin again.

It's a lovely process, really. My partner and I pick the neighborhoods we'd like to live in and drive around dreaming of how our cars would look in the driveway. (My favorite part is just resting my hand on her leg and sipping my favorite coffee but it's a job - keep your eye on the prize!) I forget, sometimes, that it's a Huge committment and if we're really going to buy a new house, it MUST be somewhere that we love more than where we live now! That is our problem.

Currently, we each own houses. Both were occupied by the families we came from before we got together. That makes things a bit difficult but only to ME! For some reason, I don't want to live in either of them. They both belong to prior relationships and I want to start new. We've been living in my house for the last couple of years or so. She loves it there. I do too but it makes me sad. My daughters room sits empty and I can't do a single thing to change it. I've tried but I simply can't. I owned the house before I met my ex-wife so it's not so much her but really, it still is. You know? She proposed in that house. We conceived our baby there. It's just all about them to me and it somehow gets me stuck in that "perfect" time. Even though they've been gone almost as long as they were there, it doesn't help. I've decided that time doesn't heal all wounds.

As for the other house, we rent it out. We could never live there because it's only 1000 sq ft and who can do that with a seven year old boy? :) And, ONE bathroom! Plus, it's her house with her ex and that ex doesn't seem to have very good boundaries. She's terribly friendly and likes us all being together and I'm afraid if we lived somewhere that she was that familiar with, she'd never leave! & she'd be giving me all kinds of advice on how to "green up the yard" and what kinds of crafty things to throw up all over the house! I just can't do it. I, I, I. Again, my partner is the most easy going girl in the history of my life. She's just happy wherever she is. I wish I were more like her.

So, we found a few houses that we'll be looking into this week. No more lallygagging. We're serious!! No more long drives, daydreaming about grandkids. We are in need of a HOME! A home that's just ours - no memories other than what we make ourselves!

Hopefully those memories will include oodles of babies!