A Lady in Waiting

I'm frustrated this morning.

Things in this state are crazy. I'm not sure how many of you have ever been here but, truly, we have people we actually ELECTED who just don't get it. There are bills this session to make sure foster children wait and wait until FINALLY a man & woman can adopt them because God knows that's way better than placing them right away with a single person or two parent co-habitating couple. Another bill that would BAN abortion, even though it's totally unconstitutional and will cost our state 4 million dollars to LOSE the case anyway. And then, of course, there are 3 or 4 bills that have these titles like, "Child Custody Amendments" & "Parent Time Amendments" and I'm certain they'll be all about my case so I check for language thirty times a day but NOTHING! Nothing so far! Yesterday, at noon, we were half way through the session so what are they waiting for? Are they waiting for the Supreme Court to rule because, c'mon! who isn't?

I'm feeling picked on just because I'm waiting. I'm always waiting on everyone else to decide my life. I'm asking strangers, "Can I see my daughter?" "Can I be a mother to her or any other child?" "Can I marry my partner?" "Can I make a decision about my own body?" When will it stop? I can go to court every six weeks or so and my attorney can tell me I'm doing everything right and every Judge and Commissioner and Child Psychologist agrees that my daughter does best when I am in her life continually but my ex, the wonder that she is, keeps breaking the law and snubbing the court system and we have to keep waiting and waiting and waiting.

And then I think about all these other women in my life who struggle with similar questions in their home states. My friend in Ohio whose ex has taken their baby away and her attorney doesn't know where to begin. My friend in North Carolina who I have to talk through panic attacks because she misses her son so painfully. My friend here who has custody of her child because the ex is a drug addict and has caused more grief to this child than we will ever really know! & the people before us who didn't have an opportunity to even fight for their kids because there was no one who dared to touch it. Before Lamda. Before NCLR. Before Lauren.

Enough of that. I'm having a hard time today. But I'm still hopeful and I'll be on my way as soon as I get the green light, baby. Hold on.