Wednesday, August 22, 2007

It should just be That Easy!

So last night I stayed up until 11pm just to watch T*ori Spelling's B&B show. I embarrassed to talk about this addiction in real life but I just know you'll all support me here. :)

If you haven't seen it (& of course you've ALL seen it...) it's about her and her husband living like perfectly normal people - running a beautiful b&b business, getting pregnant on their honeymoon & having a baby amidst paparazzi, going to baby know, all the things we do every day. Bla, bla, bla. Anyway, there was this little moment last night when he asked if she wanted to make a baby and then of course they start making out and I gagged a little but still, it tugged at my heart and this is why.

Yesterday jbeeky wrote a little post about this very thing and it stuck with me well into my late night show. She spoke about why she relates to same-sex couples trying to conceive and her explanation is this:

..."That there is no special night, no meandering down the road of intimacy that will culminate in a pregnancy. That our love for each other, our family, our community and ourselves is not enough to create a baby. That void will always be there for us. Any attempt we make to expand our family is calculated, earned, discussed, written down, cried over, paid for, hired out, clung to and gnashed on until every bit of the experience is the size of a Macy's Day Turkey floating down the parade route."

I have been sad about this very thing many times. As we sit in sterile hospital rooms during tests and reviews and even interesting baby making. As we get loans to pay off other loans for babies that never came or started but never grew. As we track every last drop of ourselves to know the temperature, the timing, the count of every last follicle... Wouldn't it be far more wonderful if you just rolled over and shared what you would share on any particular day but, while you're at it, you create a child together? & I know there are many hetero's out there suffering through the same thoughts so I don't mean to say it's all me. But why me? Why us? When bratty Tori can just roll over?

Now I'm sounding bitter and I'm truly not. I watch that show because it makes me feel good to see them so in love. I am thrilled to death for her new family just as I am for every new family. But it makes you wonder why it can be so easy for some and impossible for others.

In my next life, I'm going to be a fertile bunny.