All over the place -

I think I'm still recovering from our big gay weekend. I'm almost finished with laundry but wishing I had taken an extra day to get my rest before the week began. I'm tired.

I work for a non-profit (i know i keep saying this) and our annual dinner is coming up in exactly three weeks. We're planning for 1200 people. Twelve Hundred people to attend an LGBT Political Advocacy fundraiser in little 'ol Utah. I've always attended this event and I've always been impressed at how many people show enough interest but being on this side - this year - somehow makes me more grateful. It takes a lot to step up for the underdog.

Speaking of underdog, I got a call from a local gay mag today. They've decided to do a "series" of articles on the effects on families since the February ruling. On one hand, it makes the subject stay in the news and awareness is always the first step in educating people. But it also makes it feel like it'll never go away and there are days when I wish for nothing more. I know if we want to make a difference in this State, we need to keep talking about it. We need to expose people who do this to us. We need to create laws that make it so they can't do it anymore. We need to change minds about our families so people care that our children are protected - no matter what the outcomes of our relationships. If anyone reading this wants to be involved, please let me know.

And off to another tangent. While we were camping this weekend, I met many people I've never even seen before. I really thought it would be nice meeting new people and introducing them to my family. & it was. But it was hard to hear how much some of them already knew about me, my story - the sad part - the part that I wish was different more than anything on this earth. One woman was espeically brave and came to talk to me about it. She thought we knew common people - kind of we do. But the worst part was when she started talking about actual "court stuff" she had heard from someone I don't even know. The information was hurtful and untrue & was actually retracted from the hearing but this person didn't know that. This person heard it from someone else who didn't know that either. & that reminded me that too much has been put out there to really ever go away. After she went back to her camp, I begged Cristy, yet again, to move us away from here. (& to this person who just may read this...please don't feel bad. I'm actually very glad you talked to me about it)

Monday came and I was sitting at work when she she sent me an email. She had listed all the cities we could live that had cheap flights for Yeager and common cost of living expenses. She had been thinking about my request since I made it but I hadn't thought about it since. You see, I don't really want to move. I just want all the bad stuff to go away. Not that I don't want to tell my story. I don't mind that and I know it has to be done for people to get it. But I want all that early, awful court stuff to go away - where my wife told a judge that she was just my roommate and I was trying to steal her child. Or when my mother in-law agreed to the roommate story and told the judge that she had never seen me touch my daughter. He asked again, "Never?" And again she said "Never". Of course, all it took was a wedding album and baby book to prove them wrong but the fact that those things were said will never leave my days. & I am reminded that those are the lies Gracie will hear one day.

The Judge later said that every single person who testified for her was not credible. He either thought they were lying or didn't let them be counted because they didn't know us when we were together - only after we split and therefore, they didn't know me. He caught them in lie after lie while I sat and begged him to stop yelling at the mother of her. The whole things makes me ashamed and physically sick. & no matter who they are & why, I still don't know how people can lie just like that. Whether you're sticking up for your daughter or lying to get attention, it's wrong and it causes harm that is unending. Luckily he saw through every one of them so why can't I let it go? I'll tell you. It's because people still hear what they hear and every now & then, it comes up. This community is simply too small some days.

I know, I sound like a drama queen. I suppose I am. I know I got myself into this and I know I'll be just fine. But if I can't rant about it here, where can I? Right? Now tell me to hold still and to quit giving Cristy reasons to move us to the West Coast.