Post Insem

We decided that since we can't do another round of IVF for a couple of months, we would go back to doing regular insems to pass the time. That doesn't make me sound very hopeful but it does seem strange to go from IVF to something so simple. It's like going from an ipod to a tape recorder. But sometimes those tape recorders work really well! :)

So I surged Thursday morning. It's been a while since I've had to pee on a stick. I saw the dark line but it didn't seem dark enough. When I got home that night, I knew I should've tested. I sat around, watching Lost and eating pistachios - all the while my little egg was making it's way down the hill. I tested again Friday morning and it was gone. Is that normal? I mean, it wasn't totally gone but it was pretty 'gone'.

I spent the whole next day upset. I cried all the way up to the Capitol. I'm just so disappointed that I didn't pay good enough attention. It's a whole month. - an entire month that we could be closer to getting it right. But we did it anyway. Friday night, after work. I'm certain I was a day late but I'm still happy we went through with it.

And now we wait.

I am committed to this tape recorder for at least another month. I want to get it right, even if it's just one, good month. After that, we plan to do another IVF and just hope for no OHSS. Ugh.

But this morning, right before I woke up, I had a dream about college. My friend J and I were sitting through a lecture and I was saying to her that 'if I failed, I would switch classes'. And 'if that didn't work, I would change schools'. She told me that if I had enough faith, I wouldn't be making a back-up plan. And when I started waking up, I could still hear her saying that.

If I had faith, I would stop making back-up plans.