Monday, March 12, 2007

8 days...thinking Purple!

I'm finally getting better. I sound like a drugged up 70's singer but at least I'm walking again. If you have children, please keep them far from me. & no close hugs. I promise people, I am a walking germ and, most certainly, a germ magnate. These are sick days.

My weekend consisted of resting and being terribly angry. Saturday, my sweet Jackie came over and made me real chicken noodle soup. She really cut up the celery and carrots. She boiled chicken and shredded it. Seriously, real soup. And better than that, she stayed most of the day just talking with me and watching a movie. It was wonderful. She'll read this & smile but I'm not just trying to gain friend points. I think we've both grandfathered each other there.

After my day with her, everything just fell apart. My emotions are running terribly high. I have been over medicated for six days and I'm running out of time to pack up a house, clean out another then move! I was feeling terribly left out of things. I'm not the kind who can remove herself even though I'm home asleep or barely conscious. My things were scattered between two places and I was really a mess. C came home and I gave her plenty of reasons to wish she hadn't.

Yesterday, I decided I would start to pack Gray's room. This would not be such an issue if I knew I'd be unpacking it in a week. Unfortunately, that won't be happening. The idea of putting her things away felt safe enough. It's like, I wanted to pack them beautifully so that when she opened her boxes, many years from now, she'd find everything perfect - just the way she left it. But then I realized how long that will be & couldn't pull myself out of inhaling every t-shirt and every blanket. As your children grow, you mourn the years gone by. I remember going through her preemie clothes and being so sad that she'd grown. This was like that but so much more intense - knowing I'll skip many years of sticker art and masterpieces, t-shirts from soccer, dance shoes and prom dresses. It was hard but it's done. At least, that part.

My weekend ended with a kiss but it took a lot for me to get there.

Next week will be very new. Hopefully there will be something special for us - something peaceful but refreshing. Our new house will be a beginning we've waited for for a long time. We're looking forward to creating and renewing ourselves. This house will give us plenty of growing room - inside and out.