Saturday, October 6, 2007

Guess who talked to Gracie?

You read it correctly. Yesterday was the best yesterday I've had in a very long time.

I typically call the mother of her a couple of times a week. Sometimes I leave a message. Most of the time I hang up at her voicemail. Since December 24th, she's never answered. Not once. But I call because I want to remind her that I'm always here, I'm not going anywhere and I'm not going to forget. So yesterday I called and it went like this.

Her: "hello?"
Me: "who is this?"
Her: "this is Gracie!"
Me: shock!!
Her: "hello? Keri?"
Me: ...

I was stunned. It took me a couple of seconds to say anything. I thought, for a minute, that Gray had answered and her mom didn't know. But then I heard her voice in the background, telling her to tell me about her birthday and about...her. I asked her if she knew who I was and she said, in a silly way, "ker-i!" I just started blurting out anything. I told her how much how miss her - how much I love her and how I think of her every minute. I asked if she knew that I miss her everyday and her little voice said, "yes" so softly. I asked her about her birthday, about her kitties and anything else I could think of. She told me stories about the boys singing to her for her birthday and how she cooked her pendant into her rainbow cake. It was perfectly lovely.

Then I talked to her mom for a while. The first thing she said was, "I'm not going to talk to you if you're going to put what I say on your blog..." But I assured her you were all wonderful and that I'd never give out her personal info (of course) and that THIS is the only place I talk about THIS stuff. If I can't talk here, I can't talk anywhere.

She seemed well. She said she was healthy and that things were going good. I didn't know what to ask and, to tell you the truth, I was scared to death. At times I would realize I was still on the phone just listening to the background. I couldn't remember what I had asked and what I didn't. I still can't. I'm not sure if we sat in silence - waiting of the other to speak. I was so afraid of her hanging up.

After a while I asked if I could say good-bye to Gracie. She called her back to the phone and we exchanged "I love you"'s and "I miss you"'s and we hung up the phone. I hung up. I sat and stared at my phone. My co-workers said I was beaming. I felt so full.

I heard her voice. I told her I love her. I felt like I could reach right into the phone and feel her little hands or see her smile when she told her stories. I keep looking at my phone in awe that she was actually right there. It was heaven and she hasn't left me all day.

I love you sweet girl. Every day - my whole, long life.