Happy Birthday Gracie.
Today you are six years old. I can barely remember my life before you came. But I'll never forget the hours right before...
Doctor Stewart called our house and was talking to your mom. We knew you were coming early but when I heard her say, "tomorrow morning?", I almost peed my pj's. I started jumping around the kitchen. She laughed at me because I was so excited!
You were definitely early but we were ready. The showers had all come and gone. Clothes were washed - diapers were stacked. But nothing we had would fit you. We ran out and bought all the preemie jams that Mervyn's had and a few packs of preemie diapers. See? We were ready. & your nursery was ready - holding it's breath - just waiting for you to fill it up with your sounds and your smells. All of the families and friends that already loved you were just waiting on pins and needles for your arrival.
We finally met in person at 2:31am on October 4th. You were tiny, like a little doll. 4 lbs 10 oz. I held your hand through those first moments when we rushed you to the NICU. Your whole hand fit across my nail bed. I stayed with you those first hours through the needles, tubes and tape until they figured out how strong and healthy you were. I held you when you first felt water on your skin. Your first bath was in my arms. You were so amazing and so brave.
& I'll never forget bringing you back to your other mom and realizing that you looked just like her. She held you up so you were face to face. Your profiles were exactly the same. I took a picture of you looking at each other. I bet she shows you that picture all the time.
Today I will think of all those first moments with you. And a million other moments all the way through your fifth year. I feel so incredibly blessed when I think about us and the time we spent together. I will always be the happiest mom I know when I think about you. I carry you in my heart every day, Gracie. Every moment.
I am certain you have a whole special day planned. I'm praying you got my package and that you're enjoying what I sent. (minus the jacket as it's 93 degrees there today...) I'll be listening to our song and missing every piece of you. I used to sing this to you all the time but when you learned it, I was hardly ever allowed to sing it again - only You could sing it and you knew every word. I hope you hear it today. If not here, then in your heart.
(it's on the mp3 to the right)
You can't fool me, I saw you when you came out
You got your momma's taste but you got my mouth
And you will always have a part of me
Nobody else is ever going to see
With your cards to your chest walking on your toes
What you got in the box only Gracie knows
And I would never try to make you be
Anything you didn't really want to be
Life flies by in seconds
You're not a baby Gracie, you're my friend
You'll be a lady soon but until then
You gotta do what I say
You nodded off in my arms watching TV
I won't move you an inch even though my arm's asleep
One day you're gonna want to go
I hope we taught you everything you need to know
And there will always be a part of me
Nobody else is ever gonna see but you and me
My little girl
My Gracie girl
With all my heart.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Happy Birthday Gracie.