Thursday, May 24, 2007

One Day More - Another Day, Another Destiny

I have been thinking about Gracie so much lately. I mean, she never really leaves my thoughts but this week has been hard. I think having the ultrasound, seeing where my baby will be, reminded me of when I first saw her and just that overwhelming feeling of love for her and her being safe there to grow and become this amazing addition to my life. I have dreamed about it every night since - watching her on that screen - knowing she's safe there.

One of my friends, who's also waiting for her daughter, wrote a post about her TTC and the experience with a new child being the same but different. We all have fear that we'll somehow replace what we lost or that we'll never have security with our children. But she's right, they will love and care for their new baby as much as Maddie, it'll just be a new experience of the same love. Same, but different. I needed to be reminded of that as I begin this next wait.

Tomorrow's the big day. I believe we started this process on December 12th of last year. That means it took just over five months to get where we were supposed to in 1. Funny. My life kind of works that way, in general.

I had my second shot of progesterone last night. I have to continue it through the pregnancy test and then, hopefully, the following six weeks. It hurts. Bad. I'm typically very strong willed but I think I've cried both times and that just makes it so much harder for Cristy. She cries right along with me though. We're a team like that. :) Seriously though, I don't know how some of you have gone through this as many times as you have. I think about doing it again and I just quiver. You are brave and I admire you.

We'll hear the health of the embryos today and I'm just praying that they make it through the thaw. I need all four! My doctor needs as many to choose from as possible. How odd - "to choose from". The whole process feels so mechanical.

After tomorrow, I won't be able to post here for a few days. My bed rest will take place on the upper level of my house and, unfortunately (or fortunately), there is no computer in my bed. boo. But I'm hoping I find you all well when I get back on Tuesday. Feel free to call or stop by. You know where I'll be. :)