Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Just to clarify...

I won't take too much time here but I wanted to respond to a comment a few posts ago. Somehow I went back a bit and found it.

Anonymous said..."I wish you and your daughter the best. I wonder about another person involved in Gracie's story and that is her father."

I want to make it perfectly clear that my daughter doesn't have a "father", she has a donor. An anonymous donor at that. We chose, on purpose, to not involve a third party. Not because we have anything against father's or men in general but because we wanted to be clear that she has two parents, two moms.

I get heated about this subject for a couple of reasons:

1) because I became the third party in court.

Our sperm donor, who we'll never know, had a step up the legal ladder ahead of me and they used that tool as often as they could. In fact, my attorney argued something like "what if the parents were heterosexual..." and Cheryl's mom piped out "they ARE!" She included this man in the title of PARENT. She counted him, with my ex, as the two hetero people that parent our daughter. Explain how a donor can possibly be a parent?

& 2) because I'm now dealing with another case where the "donor" has decided he wants rights to "his" child after years of not knowing her.

Why? Because he all of a sudden wondered if she was okay? Because he knows, after my ruling, he has a chance? Because his new wife decided they should know all of "his" children? Y.U.C.K.

I suppose, like the rest of us, donors should really think about what a donor is before giving such a forever gift. & I know there are arrangements out there that work perfectly. I know there are exceptions. But this wasn't like that. If Gracie and Yeager's donors are out there wondering how they are and what they're like, I hope it's through grace and a full heart - not because they think of them as their children. Ew.

I want to be clear also, that I am so grateful for men like #Gracie maker who gave such a precious thing to people he would never know. To some, it's no different than giving a child up for adoption. For others, it's a simple gift to strangers. And even other's...40 bucks. Still, what would we do without them?