I just put Yegs to bed. We had a bit of a tantrum challenge - each of us. He's been really sensitive lately and tonight, I had enough. I went upstairs, ready to challenge his tantrum. But he was literally so sad. No pouting, no tantrum.
I teased and prodded and nothing. I asked if I could guess what was wrong and finally got a sarcastic smile when I asked if it was because I forgot to paint his toenails red. But after about ten minutes, he spilled. He holds feelings so tightly but finally, Finally he let it all out.
Through tears and choppy breaths he explained to me what it's like to have your parents divorce. His parents, Cristy and his other mom, divorced when he was three. He doesn't remember it but he knows it happened, obviously. & now his other mom is going through another break up.
His biggest worry is what's going to happen to her. Who will take care of her? Why did this happen? Where will they go and how long will they stay there? It broke my heart. He's worried that she has to get a job and that she's sad about it. He's scared. And truthfully, as persons of married parents, we don't even understand what it's like. We laid on his bed and he told me just how hard it is to be a child of divorce. He's just days away from being 8. He's so too little to carry something so heavy. I tried to reassure him that he's loved, that it's good to talk about and that he can always share his feelings. We said a prayer and he feel asleep with short, sad breaths.
I'm sitting here thinking about it and thinking about Gracie. I consider myself divorced from her mom, even though we are still happily married according to VT law. :) But she'll never know that. She doesn't know she's a child of divorce. Maybe that's good. I don't know anymore.
But divorce is ugly, always. I know there are times when it can't be avoided and when that's the case, I think it's best. But even explaining that to him didn't ease his sorrow. He asked if me "& mama would ever divorce". I wanted to promise No but I know better than to be so certain. I've made that mistake before. We both have. I did, however, tell him that I learn more every day how important our relationship is to me, to him, to us. And that I feel safe knowing that our family is strong and happy and that, of course, I love them both so fully.
Should you make the promise of always being together - never splitting up or getting divorced? I mean, of course that's the intent but is promising really right?
|