Tuesday, September 18, 2007

She's Leaving Home...

Do any of you tantrum when your partner goes out of town? I mean, there are many things that bring this behavior out in me but I really hate it when she leaves. I hate it enough that I punish her. Not in loud ways but I might build a small wall so when she goes to hug me good-bye, I hug like a straight girl. In the same moment I beg for extra attention & bat my eyes wildly. I pout and maybe I won't answer the phone until the third ring, instead of the second. I'll watch a chick flick and bawl my eyes out missing her but tell her later that I've had a fabulous day and pretend I've hardly thought of her for minutes.

I'm such a baby.

We've spent a lot of time being quiet the last few days. We saw our best girls Friday night and I told and re-told my "energy doctor" story. I remembered more and more as we talked about it. I think the experience was amazing and I look forward to doing my homework and seeing her again. A couple of things she said - that I know I didn't mention before - are that I time travel. Always backward. She said I carry my past with me like a blanket full of rocks. Now that's baggage, right? Also, she said that I don't have any anxiety. A normal person would have a little but I have none. I guess you hold your anxiety in your muscles but mine were free and clear! That's good...I think. Anyway, it was fun comparing stories with J&E and just feeling like I had experienced something cosmic or spiritual or healing. Maybe I can focus on homework instead of tantums these next few days.

We also had a memorable breakfast Sunday morning that will be written in the story of our lives. Can't talk about it much yet but it will certainly be something I'll scream from roof tops in the future, no matter the outcome. Chills. Still. Always.

As hard as most days are, I am still so incredibly blessed and I want to make clear that even on the days I feel most picked on, I know how lucky I am.

But still, she leaves tomorrow. She'll be home on Friday. I'm pathetic.

Chick flick, anyone?