Monday, April 30, 2007

Man, do I dream!

I told you earlier that there was a "rumor" that the mother of her is moving back. Well, I haven't heard anything reliable since then and I've removed myself from talking about it but my subconscious is kicking my a*s!

I dream that she's here and I can't touch her. I dream that I try to steal the tooth that she hides under her pillow for the fairy. I dream that I hide behind trees at the park to watch her swing. I dream that I measure her height by comparing where she stood against a playhouse wall. I dream that she and her mother are in a mall and her mother collapses and there's no one there to calm her. Or that something awful happens in the night and her mother is too sick to help. I've decided that if she were here, I wouldn't worry so much.

She'd have family to fall back on. Distant, not very nice family but & she wouldn't be so engulfed in crazy church activities. ...Not that this State isn't overflowing in "crazy" :) & maybe, just maybe, there would be some tiny chance that if I saw her somewhere, she'd stop and see me and see that we could be just as good here as we are in SA.

Who I am kidding tho? I think I just want to be prepared either way. But if she's sick, and I'm sure she is, who will back her up? God, I could obsess forever.